Repeat

Hello, how are you all doing? What are your weekend plans? Party coming on or you gonna chill at home with a movie? : ) Hope life isn't too cruel against you!

Well, I just came home from school now. I gotta tell you, the first semester isn't easy. The lectures go too fast. I barely get a chance to stop and think about my notes. It isn't easy ..... I thought it was gonna be easy, but I guess I'm wrong. But on the other hand, some of the things taught in the lectures are things I know from before. So, I'm saved! I just hope I can hold on to my faith, strength and courage for the next two and half years. All by the help of the Almighty.
Anyways, I sat next to Zac today : ). He is soooooo awesome, funny and kind. I like him.
And yeah, I attended for another session of 6Pack and Ass-Attack yesterday with mi friend < I >.
It wasn't hard as the first time. But that don't mean it's easy! Before that, we tried out AfroMoves, which was (not surprising) easy..... I've been dancing for seven years, been a dance group between that, so..... I might say I'm good. An addict might like ganja, I like dancing......and singing.....writing poetry.....being spontaneous....exploring things about myself.....the list is long. I think I'm the type who needs new impulses around all the time. I need a change...not all the time. I'm an explorer. I'm constantly in my own little world (according to N). Things around me end up getting twisted the other way around, which, in my opinion, is much more exciting. I tend to see the beauty in something "ugly" (I don't like using that word.....). Something unpleasant can still look pleasant. It's all about the essence. I may also call myself a "sacrificer". I tend make people around me happy and satisfied, when I'm the plain opposite. I'm might be hurting inside and fighting with my worries, but my surroundings must be at the very best. My friends, loved ones, potential BF...... It isn't surprising, since I'm a Libra. One time I asked my friend how she would describe me with one word, she said:
"Happy".
 hmmmmm, it hurt hearing her say that.
*" So, they can't see what state I'm in?.... "*
I just smiled to her and said:
"No kidding!"
Hopefully, well, I think I'm over the state of causing pain on myself. I did that for two years with full consiousness. I liked the fact of feeling pain. I like the fact of being the one noone knew so much about. I liked the fact of fucked up! Things that meant nothing to me, even people, were easily forgotten and erased from my memory. How I did that? Easy, I thought about the most hideous,sickening and obscene things about them. It wasn't hard for me to set my mind to do something I wanted. I know.... I sound cynical. But I got used to the process that it ended up seeming normal to me. On the other hand, I learnt new things about myself. Self control, obdience, patience. I took the swin the ocean of couragiousness, strength and wisdom. I was vibrating higher! There was no limit for my doings. And in the midst of all, my faith grew stronger. I learnt to turn to Him when things got bad. That's how I managed to pull myself out of the terrible state of life. Additionally, music helped me too, especially undergroung hip-hop, neo-soul and Kings of Leon.

That's when it came to me; I'm a grown ass person now. But still, there are no boundaries. Believing is my shield. I also learnt that a person is capable of doing ANYTHING. It frightens me thinking that it concerns me too. Not knowing what I might do next. Not knowing if I might go back to my previous self. Scares the sh*t out of me. Not knowing if  N  will manage to enchant me. He might try, but the darkness might came back.



Bye kiddos and God Bless.

P.S.
N is the boy named Accre, FYI.


black panther has one last chance. She better make it right.