Some sh*t, different toilets

I'm really mad and disappointed about myself.
Sometimes I tend to give up before even trying to try. Sometimes I find myself complaining about the most minimal things in life! I never considered myself as a quitter before. When I was challenged, I gave my utmost best and a little more. Even though the chances were minimal for me to succeed. Mom always told me "As long as you do your very best, with all your heart and willingness, the outcome doesn't matter". How I wish she was here to tell me that.
But I'm afraid of trying to fail. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of the outcome as well. What I'm trying to say is that I'm p*ssed of on Crush #2. He doesn't look at me as he used to..... Or maybe I just can't see him looking at me. My friend John told me to go up to him and talk to him. Easier said than done. Why? Well, I'm a shy girl. In addition to that, I don't feel good about myself. And that makes me think that Crush #2 considers me as "unpleasant" since he doesn't look at me anymore. Like this Thursday, I was sitting in the cafeteria with John, Z & Abdul.
John: "Ey, guess who is behind you."
Me: "Umm.... who?"
"Well, turn around and see."
I turned my back, but couldn't see whom he meant.
"Come on, again."
"Well, I can't see whom you mean"
"It's your crush. He sitting right behind you."
I turned the third time and BOOM. He was sitting on the bench behind me. And it was attached to the bench I was sitting on. He was 10 cm away from me. I was raced when I saw him! But I didn't get the courage to look at him or even talk, because he was sitting with his friends.Then suddenly, it got quite when I started talking English with some dude. *Oh, no.... Don't stammer!* After I was done, some guy (1 of his friends) repeated what I said...... *Wtf?*
See? I have to make a move SOON! Or like NOW. I keep thinking of him, dreaming about having s*x with him, lol, which was kinda nice....... OK! Let's get back to what I was talking about! hehe
So, yeah, I have to take John's advice; talk to the guy. My best friend N told me to do the same. It's better to try than go around wondering how it would have been.
He's too sexy, too nice looking, perfect height, perfect lips, perfect smile, perfect voice, got's swag....
This is miserable! Listen to me, I keep thinking and dreaming about him when I haven't even had a normal conversation with him. *UGGHHH* But then again, I guess I'm too young to experience love or even have a BF. I'm barely 19 (well, will be in TWO WEEKS :D).... I really don't know... I'm confused.
Anyways, I think he's too good for me.
But I'll try to talk to him. IF I dare to.


lil'update:
- ProActiv SUCKS big time. I'm going natural with Sweet Almond Oil, Grape seed Oil, Jojoba Oil, Hazelnut Oil, Castor Oil, Tea Tree Oil and Shea butter.
- The petroleum technology classes are going smoother now.
- I finally did some grocery shopping. For the last two weeks, I've been feeding on Cheerios, bread and mushed potatoes.
- The weather here loves P.M.S'ing.
- I finally found a shop where I can buy garri/kaalo powder :D
- Some Russian guy who leaves at the same floor as me, doesn't get the hint when I say no every time he wants to get to the movies with me.
- leggy is by no doubt my favorite blogger.
- I no longer use MSN because my ex, N, is there.
- My notebook craves for more poems and short stories.
- L is coming back from London today. A week without her feels like a whole year.
- I'm thinking of signing up for vocal & guitar classes.
- My B-day is in 13 days! *WEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

bye and God Bless.


P.S. What do you think is should do with the Crush #2 issue? Suggestions are more than welcomed. :)


black panther