for the record

Lately, I've been lost and never found.
Sometimes I find myself dwelling and wondering around without acknowlegding my surrondings.
I feel like something is missing in this world.
People around me seem to be more selfish than what is allowed.
They seem to be more self-indulgent than ever. People don't sense what this world needs.
I find life very difficult, to be frank. I think it's hard to survive another day on
this earth. Things most people realise as vital don't really amuse me.
My friends look.....different. One year has just passed since I moved from Oslo, but it
seems like an eternity. When I look at them, I don't seem to know them anymore.
It seems like each smile, look, touch and hug is fake. Empty. Worthless. Effortless.
They look so fragile. As if my presence breaks them down.
So do my surroundings.
It's hard. It's really hard to survive another day on this earth. Where everything has
to be perfect just to be seen. Where everyone has to be perfect just to be accepted.
Strangers scare me. Meeting new people for the first time fightenes me. I'm afraid they
might start jugding me. That's why I always seem social, but really.....it's just a mask.
This mask I wear to fit in here. Here; an example of a non ideal world.
I don't know what happened to it or me. I don't know if the both of us lost touch and
felt misleaded. But one thing for sure is that we're both lost. Shinned by the people around us.
Every move I make seems to be recorded. Sometimes I feel watched. And I hate being watched
or stared at by people. It just brings me to a lower level than I am on.
I don't understand how people go through life. Each day. Same people. Same feelings. Same
insecurities. Same goals. And fewer defeats.
I guess they have something holding them together. Families. Friends. Jobs. Illusions.
I wonder if someone out there feels the same way as I do. Someone out there hiding within the "normal" crowd at the concerts.
Rushing their way through traffic and books. Someone who likes daydreaming and often gets disappointed when woken up to reality.  To this world.
But still find it in themselves to stand up and keep moving. And always remember that somewhere out there, someone else is much worse off than themselves.
All I can say is maktub.


Jah Bless and enjoy life,please, eventhough you're a blue.
PS I'm thinking of some new adjustments to my blog. any ideas? Adiya, please share. Love the concept for your blog!

black panther