16.2.16

Well, I didn't have alot to do today. I didn't have classes today, so I stayed home. I woke up at 10. I cant really remember what time I slept. Besides, I had a glass of wine last night and that knocked me off. I don't know if Ive mentioned this before, but I'm not much of a drinker. After one glass, I already feel tipsy. Well, I didn't have alot to eat last night. But 9 times out of 10, that's the case each time I drink. 

So yeah, back to my day today. Nothing happened today. De rien. Kinda depressing, but I feel like I need some time alone. And I am a loner. I´ve have almost perfected being a loner. But heyyyyy, don't get me wrong. I enjoy company, parties, gatherings and socials events. But there are those times where you just need to be alone. No phone calls. No Whatsapp, Viber, Snapchat, Instagram and whatever IM app there is out there. And I enjoy that. Just music, your favorite shows etc. Ice cream!! But didn't have any of that today. I had tea and chapatis. I am low on money and my rent is due in some days. 600 dollars. I lost my job back in October, so all my savings are used. I know, I know, I can and could ask my parents for assistance, but I don't want to be a burden, you know. At my age, I should at least be on my own feet by now. But......the oil industry is messed up now. And I am doing my masters. Even finding a small part time job is nearly impossible to get now. I am afraid I might have to break my lease and move back in with my parents. And that means leaving St. Avanger, my studies, friends. And I am not ready for all of that. I love this city (but don't tell Firenze that hehe). 

Yet, I am calm. I am certain God will turn things around. He has made a breakthrough for me before and who is to say he wont do the same thing again? 

I am in love. Thought I should mention that. I have been so for nearly 3 years now. At the moment he is further away than he normally is. So it isnt easy for me. Distance. Mehhh. Two nights ago, we kinda had an argument. No screaming or such. He believes I am imagining him to be someone else. This perfect guy who is eventually marry me. A ring and all. I assured him I already know this from before. And honestly, the notion frightens me. Marriage. You HAVE to be certain before diving in. So what if you are certain at the time, but as time goes by, you find out you´re not? I do support marriage. But also courtship. Leaving together. No legal papers defining your relationship. I would rather have a small tattoo than a ring. A tattoo will last, while a ring can easily be removed and forgotten. 

Anyways, I might go for bible study last this evening.
Later :)

black panther